Love in the time of Coronavirus

And just like that, everything has changed. 

Back in 2009, I wrote this entry entitled "Love in the Time of Swine Flu," expressing my frustration that that virus caught the country so ill-prepared that we were actually running out of vaccines. Oh, sweet summer child, me. 

It was the weekend of March 14th, 2020 that our world came crashing down. I don't think I'll ever forget it. As I have told friends, it was like watching your house burn down. After a certain point, you know it's doomed, that it's all coming down. But you still watch. You mourn every separate room that the fire consumes. 

In January, Coronavirus looked like a really sad and scary problem the Chinese were having. In February, Coronavirus looked like something that might affect a few West Coast areas. 

But in March, first the local school musical was cancelled, then Miles' field trip. At the same time, both Jon's university and mine switched to online classes only for the rest of the semester. It looked like necessary precautions to take at places with such large gatherings, but surely, I thought, they wouldn't close schools. Surely we could still see our friends. Surely we could still see our relatives, as long as everyone's hand hygiene was tip-top. Then the building combusted. 

We got the call on Saturday afternoon that public schools would be closed. I was trying to nap, sleeping off a bad night with Joni and looking forward that night to my first evening out with friends since having her. I blearily picked up the phone and heard the bad news, then rolled over, feeling bleak. I was tired enough that I still managed a nap, but it wasn't long after I woke that my friends and I conferred and we decided we'd better cancel. I was disappointed. I'm glad, looking back, that I didn't realize then how long it would likely be before I'd be able to see any of those people again. 

On Sunday, I learned my co-workers at RIT would be continuing the semester working from home. All the various locations around town where I would want to bring the children while they were out of school were closing, all museums and playgrounds and public events. We went to what we learned would be the last church service for an indefinite period. 

On Tuesday, Jon learned he, too, would be working from home. On Wednesday, the unthinkable happened: the public library closed. 

Tuesday the 17th was St. Patrick's Day. It was also my 6 week postpartum visit, which was conducted over the phone that day. I had already failed the postpartum depression evaluation I took at Joni's 2 week appointment. Needless to say, I failed the six week one too. I don't know that I've ever been as low as I was in March, 2020. 

We're working on it. 

In the meantime. we're digging inside ourselves for some personal strength we didn't know we had to keep ourselves mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy during this time. I never intended to be a homeschool mom, or even a stay-at-home mom, but here we are. For the sake of our sanity, we keep a schedule, with academic time in the morning, creative time after that. We balance school with play with outdoor time and social time on Messenger Kids, Marco Polo, and Zoom/Google Hangouts. There's a white board, and a quote of the week. 

Jon puts his work schedule at the top. This is our family's anchor, reminding us that we're in this together. 

The kids got their chromebooks from school and we now spend the mornings keeping up with school work and class meetings, while entertaining Joni between her naps:

We are now a puzzle family:

We keep up with Dad and Agnes and Mercedes, as well as with the Grunert Grandparents, over Facetime:

Every week, we take a family outing to an outdoor park (sans playground). Thank God for the Ergo carrier! 

At Mendon Ponds

And every day I listen to Governor Cuomo's press conferences like they're Fireside Chats in the Great Depression. He's like my weighted blanket lately, reminding me that some leaders will listen to experts, some leaders have a plan, some leaders... can lead. 

Also, the Facebook comments are always good value:

We try to help keep up our neighbors' spirits with the bear and the rainbow in the window. On one of our daily sanity walks with the dog and the baby, Jon and I found a St. Francis statue someone had left at the foot of their lawn labeled "free." 

Frankie lives with us, now. 

We chalk the driveway to spread hope and cheer: 

And Joni grows...

and grows.

Her two-month appointment was on Good Friday. Fittingly, it was a horrifying experience. I had to go alone with her, everyone (including me) was wearing a mask, and she screamed after her vaccinations like she never has. She was frothing and unwilling to eat or sleep for a couple of hours. I had to drive her home in that state, with the news all around me that Coronavirus would likely be part of our lives until there is a vaccine in 12-18 months. I wondered if I would ever work again, see my friends again, hug my father again. It was an appropriately miserable day. 

We're all learning to metabolize so much grief, fear, disappointment. We've found that what you have to do is to take care of your body, and keep up a steady stream of whatever you can find to give you joy. Easter found us again dyeing chicken eggs on Holy Saturday, and gathering around a Vigil fire. It was our fire, in our yard. But it was Holy, all the same, and we read the Great Vigil words together. 

 

Easter Sunday found us hunting for plastic eggs in the grass. It was our grass, and we hid them ourselves, but the kids still took the campaign very seriously. 

Miles drew a comic on Holy Saturday, as I was enjoying a virtual card game with friends over some dark and stormies.

On Easter Sunday, Dad and Agnes watched the egg hunt from a distance in our yard. It was hard.

But they-- and we-- are learning to make do. The difficulty level of our lives has been turned up, but we're leveling up.

I don't want to give the impression that I think the pandemic begins and ends with the way it affects our family. Far from it. My mind is constantly flooded with worry and fear for a world of suffering people. I hate all of it, from the kids having to miss their concerts and special events to the lonely grandparents, to the people who've lost their jobs already or will in the coming months, to those that are losing family members, to those who are dying alone in hospitals across the world. This is a time for intercessory prayer if there ever was such a time, and it's a time to magnify the reach of whatever love we're able to propagate into humanity. I don't know if we've all ever needed each other so much. 

Side note: isn't it awesome that dogs and babies most likely have no idea that anything is amiss?

Adjustments

Hello from the virtual quarantine that is maternity leave! My days are made up of feedings, wearing Joni while she naps, and trying (mostly successfully) to keep up with the laundry. I did manage to write an entire chapter of my fanfic, which is now just one or two chapters from its conclusion. But mostly? It's been a lot of this:

Joni gulped down her first bottle! Victory! It's the beginning of a new chapter for us all:

Joni's second bottle was not received quite as well as her first; wish us luck as we attempt a third! Still, she gulped down the first half:

Adele has taken to reading to Joni every chance she gets! It's very sweet.

Miles is still very skilled at holding and comforting her; he's very patient with her, despite her having woken him up several times last night while she struggled with her tummy troubles.

Joni's first proper bath was not photographed, because it was a cryfest. But her second bath, and every bath since, have been a different story.

She is calm as long as that good old washcloth stays in place. Good thing Miles taught us this trick back in 2009!

She's uncurling and stretching out even as she grows! 

There is a my-butt shaped indentation on this part of the couch. I live here, and she lives in the stretchy wrap, and this is our life. It's really not such a bad one!

Joni and the cat have had a few territory battles:

Her relationship with the dog, however, remains untroubled, if a bit one-sided in the affection department:

We're still doing storytime every night, to all of our relief! If I occasionally have to read while standing and holding a mildly fussy tiny listener, then I do. We can roll with that. 

All is well at home. All is not well abroad, however. and even under the partial quarantine that is maternity leave. Coronavirus is wreaking havoc on the world around us, and it is impacting us already. RIT and Geneseo have switched to all online classes, and many social events, parties, concerts, church events, community events etc are cancelling all around us, disappointing us all. We are worried and anxious like everyone else. This is a time, even more than most Rochester Marches, which requires a great deal of spiritual fortitude. Perhaps optimism and hope is our radical Lenten discipline these year.

More updates about how we're coping to follow.

Joni at home: the first two weeks

The first two weeks of Joni at home were filled with moments good, bad, and ugly. First, and most importantly, the good. 

Bonding with siblings! Both kids would come home from school, wash their hands, change their shirts, and want to hold her straightaway. 

More good: Joni took to her bassinet extremely well. After her first few nights, in which she wanted to be awake and eat continuously (and wail if she couldn't) from 10pm until 3 or 4 (great was our suffering), she settled into something like a pattern, which generally involves sleeping in 3 or 3.5 hour chunks from around 11 pm until around 7. Of course, each week is filled with several exhausting exceptions to this rule! She keeps us on our toes. 

 

While he was still home on paternity leave, Jon celebrated a special moment: his diploma arrived, conferring upon him the rights and privileges of a Doctor of Philosophy! Both represent the end of a long journey. Both are very sweet rewards, though I am pleased to report that Jon spends a lot more time cuddling and singing to the baby than to the diploma (though what he does after I go to bed is unknown to me). 

More good: Dad and Agnes have gotten to spend a lot more time with Joni! Dad specifically, being retired, has been able to drop by (always bearing food) and hold her more than he was able to hold the other two for their first several months. 

(ah, back when she fit into newborn clothes! That was a short week)

More good: on Saturday, we took the kids sledding.


And I managed to take six runs down the hill! I went sledding in 2020!

Not pictured: the bad, and the ugly.

The bad: sleep deprivation (obviously), postpartum sweating, mood swings, soreness and indisposition.

The ugly: a late-night trip to the E.R. on Saturday when I developed a high fever. The fever came suddenly on Saturday evening with no other symptoms except body aches, and at its highest it was almost 104. I was extremely freaked out, partly because I was delirious and felt terrible, and partly because I was very afraid I had one of the notorious post-partum infections that are sometimes deadly. After a lot of testing, it was concluded that I probably had a virus, and I was sent home around 3am. The fever was gone in two days. This was my third scary fever since September; it just seems like a thing that inexplicably happens to me now. I've had no flus and barely one cold this year; fevers just seem to like me.

I missed church the next day, but the kids didn't. They had a job to do!

The second week of Joni's life at home, and the second and final week of Jon's full-time paternity leave, the kids were on February break from school and I found myself feeling grateful that Joni delayed her arrival, because otherwise, I'd have had to take care of all three kids by myself all day, every day. I'm not sure whether this made it worth the additional week of prodromal labor, sleeplessness, discomfort, anxiety and frustration worth it, but it was a helluva silver lining.

We took the kids on several outings! First, Jon took the big kids to the zoo. I stayed home with Joni for my first day alone. It was restful and peaceful, for me. The kids got a lot of face time with the snow leopard cub!

We also went to the Memorial Art Gallery, for our first real outing as a whole family. There were a lot of cool kid-centered activities there.

We also visited the Strong Museum and saw the new Dragons exhibit. This is the content we live for!

Shadow play with Adele

Stop motion animation with Miles

A very peaceful half hour in was spent the butterfly garden

Before the week was over, we also hit up the Lamberton Conservatory, and it was just what we needed in Rochester's grimmest season. 

Joni and I were cozy in our Kangaroo coat at the playground afterward

All in all, it was two weeks *mostly* replete with the Good. I'm grateful every day that we got to bring her home, our rainbow, our littlest witch, and the Strongest Baby in these Islands.