My November baby.

 When I learned I was pregnant in mid-March of 2011, I knew I was expecting a November baby. But this knowledge intensified the surreal aspect of the pregnancy. Growing up in western New York, November and its twin, March, are some ugly months. November?? With its palatte of dull browns and faded oranges, with its cold and frost and wind? November? This is not a month for a baby. April and May, the festive summer months, even December made more sense to me than a November due date. This seeming improbability combined with the fact that I'd had a loss before made me feel, rather than strictly joyful, a range of emotions among which the most prominent was strong suspense.

A November baby? Really??

Really. My little embryo survived, flourished, grew, and was fluttering and knocking faintly from the inside by June. When they told me she was a girl, I was again plunged into disbelief. (Look, I'm a six on the Enneagram. Google it). Could I really be the mother of a GIRL? If the angel Gabriel had been my ultrasound tech, I would have come away unable to speak, for sure.

But she was she, and she was VERY solid and real and so it was that one year ago today that I became the mother of a daughter, my November baby. Her birth story is probably fresh in my readers' minds. I felt so mighty that day, so blessed, and returning as we did to the parking lot of the birth center brings it all back, fresh. She blessed me from her first moments.

Dear Daughter,

I know you are here for something important. My dear, you came charging into this world. You delivered yourself, and immediately expressed your urgent hunger. You ate every two hours without fail from the time of your birth, with the dedication of an athlete in training.

Month 1

 Whatever your power truly is, you are subtle in it. You were a calm, observant, sweet newborn. Your Papa and I could hardly believe our good fortune.

Month 2

 I quickly learned to love my tiny clothes horse. Oh how much fun I have had dressing you! I hope that you do not mind the lace, the pink. You will be able to tell us what you really think before long. (Indeed, you have already started to grab items from your drawer and say, "Dis. Dis!")

Month3

 Always you have had that solemn, searching gaze. You conceal your power, or you wear it lightly.

Month 4

 And yet you learned to smile early, and have been bewitching us with your little smirk, your little dimple, ever since you were five weeks old.

Month 5

 You have had your work cut out for you, trying to get some attention with such a powerful personality as your older brother in the family. But you generally do not demand it; you wait, serene, and trust to the gravitational pull of your personal fascination to draw us to you. It never fails.

Month 6

 And we have had so much fun! Seeing you learn new things, with your quiet determination, and watching your brother's devotion to you grow. Concluding after your cradle cap receded that your red hair was here to stay. You were our little ginger pixie. Wherever did you come from??

Month 7

Adele, Adele, I want you to stay small even as I am hugely enjoying seeing your version of every stage. We are such good friends now. There is so much about girlhood and adolescence that threatens a girl's relationship with her mother and I can hardly contemplate us having a conflict. Though with two such strong and yet such DIFFERENT women in the house, we can hardly hope to avoid it.

Month 8

 But I want you to know, my darling girl, that I am in your corner, and I will stay here. As you become a girl and as you storm the gates of womanhood, as the many forces which always buffet a girl's power and confidence and dignity begin to rear up, know that I will be fighting for you and with you, even if I some time appear to be fighting against you. I do not oppose you in anything that leads to your growth, health, and mighty flourishing in this world.

Month 9

 I sometimes want so much to make your life easy, and to prevent any obstacle that I faced from troubling you. But that would not, I know, really be in your best interest. You will win your character and your power from your deeds, and you will win your deeds from struggle.

But darned if I won't be doing everything I can justify doing to help you.

So on your first birthday, Miss Spunk, let the record show that I love you, I am so proud of you, and I am so glad that you totally and forever transformed my concept of November.

Month 10

 You are such a star! Look at you! Your eyelashes! Your russet hair! Your big grin! Today you love your family and climbing and cats best of all. You have just started to dance, to sign, to talk. What have you got for us next?

Love, your devoted audience & fan,
Mummy.

Month 11

Note: So I haven't updated in a record long time. Someone. is. always. sick. And weekends lately have been just as exhausting as weekdays. But the camera's batteries have been replaced and we leave today for Thanksgiving in Maryland and all the pictures that that will bring, as well as Little Miss' first birthday. So, basically... stay tuned.